Last weekend I went on the winter retreat with a local college bible study group I attend. Honestly, I wasn't that motivated about going. I'd been really excited when I first found out I was getting to go... I thought I couldn't go because $75.00 for a weekend to play wasn't in the college student budget, but then an amazing thing happened. God provided and one of my friends from the group actually paid for me to go! (Thanks Randy). I was so excited, and Emily was going too so we were both estatic. Then some crazy things happened this week. I don't really want to talk about it right now because it either makes me really angry or makes me want to cry. Let's just say I just wasn't in the mood to be like "yay God".
Emily and I during a session The title of the retreat was "AWAKE". I didn't really know what that meant for me, but I went praying to survive the weekend. I really did have a lovely weekend. The speaker taught amazing messages that made me cry quite a few times, I was with wonderful friends, and I made some new friends there. God was definitely doing something on my heart. Yet, I didn't really feel like on that spiritual "high" that most people get when they get back from these types of retreats. I came home and cried because all my problems were still waiting for me when I got home. Yet, I've been thinking about all the things I learned on that retreat... I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I haven't been in touch with God for a while. I recognized I have a long way to go to be the person God wants me to be. I am part of the large story of the world and the crazy part is that God cares for my part... The retreat was nice to take a step back from the craziness of life and try to see where I am. So many of the lessons of the week stood out to me on different levels. Yet, I still am struggling to find my purpose in life. I want to live an intentional life, but I'm not really sure how to do it. I really need some guidance from God right now...
Photo Credit: Michelle Gonzalez Yet, hold up on the sad distracted me right now. One of the definitly cool things that happened on the retreat was going on the zipline. I woudn't ever term myself as one who is afraid of heights...except maybe when you're expected to jump off a 60 ft tower over a very large lake...in fact before we went up the tower I was totally trash talking how I was going to run off so fast and fly... It looked a lot smaller on the ground then when you're strapped to a wire and they say "Go ahead. Just run off the edge, but make sure you don't bend your knees."
"What happens if you bend your knees?" I asked.
"Well, if you bend your knees then you lose that sensation of feeling like you're falling to your death." The guy told me happily, but it had the opposite effect then what I think he wanted.
"Falling to your death. Yeah I don't think I want to feel like that..." Oh me, big fat chicken. So after trash talking Emily, I totally sat down on the edge of the tower and slowly... slid... gently...off...
I reached the other side of the lake and was like, "Emily, it wasn't so bad. I need to do it again and this time like actually walk off." So I did just that, but as I was standing at the top of the tower again, I didn't think I'd get scared again, but I did... of course. Something about jumping off a large tower over a large body of water did not sit well with my stomach. Yet, I knew I had to do it. So I walked off, slowly and shouting "THIS IS SO FUN!!" Either to distract myself from what I was doing, or actually convince myself it was fun. I'm pretty sure the whole camp heard the yell. Haha. Still I knew I had bent my knees. I reached the other side and said, "Okay, Emily. I'm running this time." She laughed, but agreed I should do it again. So I went back around with our friend Jessie, who was planning on falling backwards the next time she went on it.
"What happens if you bend your knees?" I asked.
"Well, if you bend your knees then you lose that sensation of feeling like you're falling to your death." The guy told me happily, but it had the opposite effect then what I think he wanted.
"Falling to your death. Yeah I don't think I want to feel like that..." Oh me, big fat chicken. So after trash talking Emily, I totally sat down on the edge of the tower and slowly... slid... gently...off...
I reached the other side of the lake and was like, "Emily, it wasn't so bad. I need to do it again and this time like actually walk off." So I did just that, but as I was standing at the top of the tower again, I didn't think I'd get scared again, but I did... of course. Something about jumping off a large tower over a large body of water did not sit well with my stomach. Yet, I knew I had to do it. So I walked off, slowly and shouting "THIS IS SO FUN!!" Either to distract myself from what I was doing, or actually convince myself it was fun. I'm pretty sure the whole camp heard the yell. Haha. Still I knew I had bent my knees. I reached the other side and said, "Okay, Emily. I'm running this time." She laughed, but agreed I should do it again. So I went back around with our friend Jessie, who was planning on falling backwards the next time she went on it.
Photo Credit: Michelle Gonzalez So my last time. Surely I won't get scared this time.
How wrong I was...
Yet, I did it. Heart pounding, screaming, "I'M NOT GONNA DIE!!" I ran off that tower!! And I didn't die!
It was so scary and so fun at the same time! Yet, I felt pretty good about myself lol. Jessie did end up falling backwards and told me I should do that, but I said I'd had enough lol.
In the end God did a lot of cool things in people's lives at the retreat. I was happy to have been a part of it... and I just keep thinking to myself how the Christian life is a lot like a zip line. You see the drop, the waters below and you're comfortable staying on that tower. Why risk everything? We often forget that we're securely attached to the ultimate lifeline, life in Christ. He isn't going to let us fall, yet we still get scared and choose not to trust Him, because it's easier that way. I don't want to be a tower dweller Christian, what is the point of climbing to the top of that tower only to stare in fear. God did not call us to stand and watch, he called us to run, and to fly, and trust that no matter what He's holding us up abover all that we fear. When we make that jump, we are already victorious in Him.
To that I say, "THAT'S AMAZING!!!" oh, and "Thank you Jesus!!!"
Don't forget to look up to see your harness attached to God's zipline. You'll won't get stuck as a tower dweller that way... and you will travel much farther :)
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you
How wrong I was...
Yet, I did it. Heart pounding, screaming, "I'M NOT GONNA DIE!!" I ran off that tower!! And I didn't die!
It was so scary and so fun at the same time! Yet, I felt pretty good about myself lol. Jessie did end up falling backwards and told me I should do that, but I said I'd had enough lol.
In the end God did a lot of cool things in people's lives at the retreat. I was happy to have been a part of it... and I just keep thinking to myself how the Christian life is a lot like a zip line. You see the drop, the waters below and you're comfortable staying on that tower. Why risk everything? We often forget that we're securely attached to the ultimate lifeline, life in Christ. He isn't going to let us fall, yet we still get scared and choose not to trust Him, because it's easier that way. I don't want to be a tower dweller Christian, what is the point of climbing to the top of that tower only to stare in fear. God did not call us to stand and watch, he called us to run, and to fly, and trust that no matter what He's holding us up abover all that we fear. When we make that jump, we are already victorious in Him.
To that I say, "THAT'S AMAZING!!!" oh, and "Thank you Jesus!!!"
Don't forget to look up to see your harness attached to God's zipline. You'll won't get stuck as a tower dweller that way... and you will travel much farther :)
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you
Photo Credit: Michelle Gonzalez
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