At least that's how I've been facing my injury. To the left is the x-ray of my collarbone about a month after surgery. You can see the plate and 8 long screws drilled into my bone. These past weeks with this injury have been so filled with pain, frustration, and anger.
It has felt like time after time, hardship after hardship, this injury has turned me into one of the most self-centered people I've ever met. For weeks I have trudged around angry at the world for not understanding. Angry at myself for not being able to control it. And angry at God for letting it happen. I've been facing this tragic accident with the attitude that no one can even come close to comprehending what I've been going through.
That was, until this week, when God gave me a hard smack on the mouth.
I was sitting at lunch dinner with my mentor complaining about all the hindrances my accident has caused me. She replied, "I'm sorry, Sarah, I know it's hard, but God knows what's going on. He understands."
"Yeah right!" I replied, "God never had metal screwed into his bones."
Then it hit me... faster than my mentor could give me "the look" (you know the one I'm talking about), I realized my folly. Jesus did know what it was like to have metal pierce skin and bone. When he was crucified nails were driven into his hands and feet. Then later a spear was thrust into his side.
I suddenly realized, that Jesus, better than anyone understood what I was experiencing. He knew of the pain more than I did, I who'd had been asleep during the surgery that inserted the metal into my body. Jesus had been awake and aware. Jesus had allowed those people to flog him, beat him, and ultimately crucify him knowing the cost. Yet, he did it anyways. He didn't fight it, he didn't run away, he chose the nails...
Not only did God understand my struggle and my pain, he'd experienced it on a much bigger level to bring me to Him. Suddenly, my pain and my selfishness didn't seem so big. Suddenly I realized my desire to reach out to the one being who knew me better then any other. And who loved me enough to experience that type of pain and hardship. Now... I'd being lying if I said everything was all the sudden easy, it wasn't, but it is such a comfort to know I have a God who understands... not just mentally or emotionally, but who physically understands what it is to have nails, or screws, driven into your bones. It is not something to mourn or fear, instead I now see these screws, this pain, as something to conquer. In the end I know I can be weak in my life. I can face my weakness and pain with confidence, because the Lord already has overcome it all for me.