This blog was originally drafted in March 2020 If you read my most recent blog, you know that my roommate, friend, and I were on an 11 day holiday in Thailand for Lunar New Year when (what felt like overnight) the whole world turned on its head. We received word from our company informing us that all schools in China would not be allowing any student or staff on campus temporarily for the next two weeks due to the threat of the virus. Instead, every school in China would be taking up an online initiative known as HBL or Home Based Learning during the ‘short’ hiatus. Those two weeks slowly turned into four weeks, which was forced to extend into six weeks and now, as I’m writing this, we have just received news that it is unlikely we will return to school until probably eight weeks from our initially scheduled return date (though at this point many people suspect it will be even longer). So, this is a blog reflecting on the past month of online school and my displacement in Thailand. First, I have to list all the things I’m thankful for in this crazy situation… My roommate’s family welcomed us for a short 11 day holiday and continued to welcome us when our little holiday turned into a full time almost 55 day residency (for me). I have a roof over my head, a warm bed, a nice bucket of water I can sometimes fill up for a shower, and access to a hot water kettle for all the tea and coffee needed to survive teaching online. I absolutely recognize I could have ended up in some hotel or trapped inside my own home in China. I am grateful every day for the hospitality and generosity of my roommate’s family. Grace’s mom’s cooking. There is nothing like working knowing that you don’t have to worry about meals. Plus, she’s feeding us some of the most delicious brain food ever. I don’t think we’ve eaten the same meal twice. Grace’s mom might be an angel. I am the queen of love/hate relationship with the internet, mostly because I realize how addicting technology can be. That being said, though the home we are staying in does not have WiFi (something I have actually come to love deeply because I NEED to unplug at night), it’s only a short trip to the office in order to get unblocked, free internet access (absolutely vital to running classes online). Going through this situation, running classes online (when you were totally unprepared to do so), would be stressful for anyone. You know what would have made it more stressful? Doing it alone. I am so grateful to have Gloria and Grace beside me to bounce ideas off, to ask questions, brainstorm together, oh, and if we’re honest, whine and complain to someone who understands how challenging and impossible what we’re doing is sometimes. It’s 90 degrees every day and there is not a cloud in the sky. I’m running every day and I’ve got a sandal tan lines to die for. I will never complain about being ‘trapped’ in such a sunny, warm, beautiful place. I have been working out more in the past six weeks than I have in my entire life. Running over 5K, completing a 30 day yoga challenge, push-ups, ab workouts, you name it, I’ve been doing it in the name of getting out from behind the screen and finding some routine. It’s also a control thing. I can’t control anything in my life right now, except my body’s effort and the growth I see in my endurance and strength. Also, I may have totally called home to tell my family that for the first time I can see arm muscles that I never even knew I had. I am thankful to be growing fit and healthy during this time that seems full of nothing, but question marks. It’s hard to explain what this situation has been like. At first, it was kind of fun and exciting. Wow! We get to stay in Thailand for another two weeks, it’s going to be so chill! Online school? How hard can it be? NEWS FLASH: It’s not chill and it’s really hard! First, there was the homesickness. Homesickness is something I’ve boasted that I’ve never really felt. Instead, I find myself wide awake at night thinking about how much I miss my house and bed left behind in China. I worry about my plants with no one to take care of them. Then, there’s the nightmares. Nightmares of returning to China and running out of water. Nightmares of food shortages or graphic, horrible dreams of my family members dying terrible deaths and I wake up crying in bed. After that, comes the neck pain and backaches from sitting over a screen just typing and video chatting with students and planning and grading and making a video for tomorrow’s class which gets interrupted when you have to troubleshoot a students’ technology issue, all the while thinking to myself “When’s the last time I took a break or had a drink of water?” I try and connect with every kid through email and video chats, but I still feel totally alone and disconnected from my entire world. Meanwhile, this little hiatus keeps getting longer and longer with casualties and impacts and threats seem to be growing larger and larger. By the way, can people please stop telling my mother all the horrible things they read about or saw on the news? Because my mom is going to worry enough without you telling her the newest conspiracy theory that we end up talking about every time I call home. On top of all this… have I mentioned that I’m job hunting? Nothing to add more pressure and uncertainty than applying and interviewing for international positions amidst a global pandemic. This is a topic for another blog all together. As the days went on, the isolation grew. I’m alone in a foreign country where I can’t speak the language. I’m staying with the most wonderful family… with whom I also can’t speak. The adventurous little experience is growing into an unending, unresolvable struggle. It’s week seven of not being in my own bed. It is week seven of only having two people who I can actually have a conversation with face to face. Things aren’t getting easier and the “end” remains unknown. Meanwhile I’m only two weeks from having to renew my Thai tourist visa for the second time (I had 30 days and was able to extend for another 30 days)…Thailand may be closing it’s borders soon and we’ve heard the rumor that officials have been rejecting second visa extensions. I know that I don’t stand alone during this time of chaotic uncertainty, while I recognize that I have a lot to be thankful for, I feel overwhelmed by my lack of control and the uncertainty of my coming days. I would like to be able to return to China, finish the year well, get the closure goodbyes I need to leave China well, and then head onto wherever the Lord would have me go next with confidence and thankfulness in my heart. At this time I ask for continued safety, healthy, and energy and motivation to continue to be an encouragement and role model to my students. Blog completed/posted in July 2020
5 Comments
Meghan Lake
7/22/2020 12:32:13 pm
Thanks for sharing your thoughts through these challenging times. It can really be a struggle to be thankful for all the things we do have when we realize we are losing so much. This past week I have been attempting to make more of an effort to celebrate good news when it happens and take the hard stuff a day at a time.
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Meghan Marie Lake
7/22/2020 12:32:57 pm
Also -- Thailand looks so beautiful! I love the view from riding in the truck bed. :)
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Grace
7/23/2020 12:40:53 am
Love the pictures! And I also love how this post shows your commitment to giving thanks :)
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Karen Revelt
7/23/2020 12:45:07 pm
Hi, Sarah.
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Kate Mylin
12/7/2020 07:33:42 pm
I love you and your authenticity. I'm so sorry this situation happened, but I appreciate your perspective giving thanks IN all things. And look at you all healthy & fit!
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