AGAIN.
Let’s flashback for a moment...
“No. It isn’t supposed to be like this.
This isn’t how it’s meant to go.”
Why would anyone care to read about how miserable I feel?
I have good days and I have really hard days.
On a positive note...
- I am getting lots of practice cooking for myself. I still only really cook eggs one way, but last week I cut up a potato and made some homemade chips! (I don’t enjoy cooking, so please applaud my attempts to be creative in this area)
- I am reading (free-reading) so much more. I always set a book goal at the beginning of the year and I’m halfway through it already. Nothing too deep, lots of escapism (understandably, right?).
- I am writing. Poetry mainly. Somehow trying to express my emotions and thoughts in a way that isn’t strictly narrative style has been healthy and surprisingly fun. If you follow me on social media, you’ve probably seen a few of the poems I have written.
- Lastly, I’ve been journaling more intentionally. As I’ve already said, writing is really difficult for me when I am in a situation like this, where I am forced to be still. I recall thinking through my second round of lockdown in the US that the best thing I probably could have done for myself would have been to write out my feelings, but I never found the heart or motivation to write. So, I’m forcing myself to do so now. I keep my journal open to a fresh page on the kitchen counter and when I walk by it, I write something down. Silly, stupid, pointless, but sometimes it turns into a whole page of poured out thoughts. I hope someday I’ll look back through those pages and find that it mattered. Being stuck alone with my own mind, you’ll recall that this is not a healthy place for me.